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WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT
1. You have to be against capital
punishment, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that
businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You
have to believe that guns in the hands of law- abiding Americans are more of a
threat than
4. You have to believe
that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that
global temperatures are less affected by documented cyclical changes in the
earth's climate and more affected by soccer
driving SUV's.
6. You have to
believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is
natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack
of federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who
can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified
to teach those
same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about
nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel
Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ"
for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because
it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it
supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that
taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe
that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history
than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.
15. You have to
believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are
not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very
nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism
hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been
in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong
in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White
House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying
drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and
manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe
that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the
best interest to the
21. You have to believe that
this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
22. You have to
believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day but
it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."
Ready to
vote???